The Poem

Don't stop to listen
just keep walking by
photographs and memories
keep the dead nearby

Like telemarketers and bills
she just can't leave him alone
she thinks of life beyond those hills,
beyond those hills, far from her home.

Somewhere east he seeks a new life,
Somehow wading west,
she knows it isn't for her sake,
but knows it's for the best.

His body pounds through the ether,
she knows he's still trying,
she can't help, but holds a silent vigil
sitting, but not prying.

How long can this happen,
this tenuous spiritual pressure she feels?
Sporadic and dangerous still is the love,
afraid of the damage she can deal.

Stay near, my heart, I cannot hold thee now. It is only for another I can live, I vow.
How can she repair it?
How can she repair it?

Energized :D

More than I have been in a great while. Summer had put my mind and spirit in a haze. But now I am back, and utilizing tools the way they ought to be. I must remember to use my past experiences to keep me from making the same mistakes, and use my emotions to fuel my power instead of dragging me down. I must be in control, lest I be taken advantage of. There are times often when I am not willing to be strong, but I must remain in control of myself. I will be a spirit warrior, when the time comes. I must stop doubting so much. I know there are more than just the few of us now. Unity is imperative, as is spiritual growth. Only time and practice will tell, but I must focus now. I will always love you, but I have a lifelong mission to complete, and I am far behind.

Frustration with a capital Fuck!!!

It has to end soon, it has to. This is one of those moments where I feel like falling to my knees and taking the earth within my grasp, only to shake it violently and scream into it,"What's wrong with me?!?!" And no one will have an answer, not even the spirits. Of course, I won't do that; I refuse to go down so quickly. I can be fine in one moment, but the instant a stream of his consciousness comes into mind, I'm holding back tears in public because of the guilt it seems I'm paying for everyday, not to mention feeling ungrateful that Ben is trying to stick with it all the way because he can't let go of me for how he feels either, and also frustration with him that he keeps trying and it just seems like I'm falling deeper into debt. I never thought I would view love as a debt to pay. Yet I feel obligated to do something, but the price he's asking is something I'll never be able to pay. One string from another world still bonds me from the rest of mine.

Disquieting Silence.

Quiet. The spirit is quiet; I'm too tired to fight for now. The hurt is not yet gone, but is subdued for now, until I can think of a better "plan". Yesterday I could not cry, so the rain did it for me. I stood outside in the dark and the rain, letting the rich, hot, and damp clay aroma waft up to me while my eyes looked up and let rain drops fall directly into them. It didn't even hurt. I even giggled. I need to smile more, but I can't act a smile anymore. I stopped caring. I need a way to become truly happy. I'm starting to look older because I can't lift the weight of my own face.

A wave, and then
Another.
A sharp desire,
A drifting
Longing.
A white Sensation,
leaves him weak.
Warmth.
Return soon.
Survival is not
A
Guarantee.
But,
Passion is
Passion is
Torture.
A Touch.
Is all I
Ask.
Still
Selfish.
Am I?
I'm Lost.