Sometimes I'm not sure of the earth beneath me. Usually I like this trait about myself, but lately it is hard to be at ease. I find myself thinking of my own, and my loved one's mortality. I'm dreadfully curious about the possibilities of a "next life" or "after life", but I'm also horribly scared of the death that comes along with it. Most are. Even if I had a near death experience, science has been learning that the brain simulates these sorts of images/sensations of heavenly environment while going through the process of shutting down, so even then I couldn't be sure. And I've been contemplating about the "spirits" as well. There have been a crap ton of experiments done trying to conclude whether spirits exists, or if we are just experiencing some natural phenomena. Personally, I think spirits are simply natural phenomena. Are "orbs" spirits, or electro-magnetic light reactions? Are EVPs the voices of the dead, or low frequencies that create hallucinatory sounds. Although, I do have to contest the second one. If it is a sound that has been recorded from a frequency lower than our accessible hearing, is it still a hallucination if it is recordable and audible as a humanoid voice saying something very specific?



I'm trying to keep my plans this week in perspective. To be honest, I was going to try and enter the Dinsmore Aria Competition, but I'm just not ready. It requires two arias, and I only have one acceptable one; I'm not going to attempt to use a Mozart aria as my second one though. I just don't find it acceptable, not unless I was really, really well developed. I am going to see if there is any room left on the schedule for the David Smalls master class though. Probably not, honestly, but I'll ask Robin anyway. I am for a fact going to the Townsend opera competition though. And the NATS competition. I'm going to find a way to be busy, and perhaps win some money in the process.

I did get to go see a show this weekend. Friday night was my chance to see Symphony X and Iced Earth. I was hoping to see a friend there, but it turned out he couldn't, which is fine, I just feel bad he didn't get to go at all. It was more impressive than I was betting on, but as always I hated the shit out of the mosh pits that kept starting up. That's just me though, which is okay, because I have wonderful friends who don't bat an eye at shoving people the fuck out of the way so I can stay in front. :3 Anyway, it was a great way to relieve some stress. I got out of town, it wasn't just for family commitments, and I got to hear music I like that I can appreciate both for artistic value and headbanging value. My neck is still a little bit sore. :P I feel rejuvenated for this week, which I think mentally is going to be hectic.

I keep thinking about things that I want/should/need to do, and where I can fit them in my schedule. I think the problem is prioritizing and remembering when to do things. I could make a calendar, but that would take me a long time, not to mention the problem of sticking to it. At least I did a better job this weekend than most of sticking to tasks.

After all this word-vomit, I should probably get to bed. It's rather late already.


I'mma eatem all. :P

You know, as helpful as my subconscious brain tries to be, I wish I had a better way to remember to keep in touch with family besides threatening me with dreams of them dying, and me feeling guilty for not being there. On another note, I don't think I've ever been so happy to have my period. Yes you can be grossed out and leave my page now if you want(if you were ever here at all and not some delusion of mine). But let's face it, anytime I'm not pregnant is a good day to me. Although I do wonder if my cycle isn't just fluctuating. I have been careful folks, but you just never really know.

Another fun thing happened today. Had a few evangelical crazies of the younger variety making a scene on campus today. I didn't mind their freedom of expression; they looked like students who went here, and all the houses had their stuff out in the quad and were soliciting as well. I appreciate all forms of expression, even hatred. It's honest, anyway. Except that other students were starting to gather and shout at the crazies, who were in turn shouting about hell and judgement day, and they were blocking the entire walkway of where I was going, which is 25 feet wide and I should have had clearance somewhere to walk through to my destination. The crazies couldn't have been there very long, either. I was in the student store for maybe five minutes, and when I came back, the student group probably tripled in size and was blocking everything, so I made the decision to go through the only opening, through the middle of the group and between the arguing parties. 1. I only had 20 minutes of break, so it really was the only way, 2. Even though I didn't mind them being there, I didn't like how much ruckus the preachers were making, so what better way to make a statement than to walk through and ignore everybody? I don't give a damn, and I won't feed the fire.