To Sam,
I know you're the only one who reads this blog,  so I may as well address it directly to you. Even three years into this relationship, you continue to fascinate me both as a compassionate mate and as a brilliant mind. Yes, brilliant. When I see your work, either as a composer or as a thinker, my only desire is that you be heard. You deserve to be heard. Wherever you go in life, I want your ambitions and your skills to take you to amazing places and make an impact. You told me love is bullshit. Perhaps what some refer to as love, sacrificing for one another and trying to lead an emotional life based on "instinct". But I do care about you, ultimately, and want you to thrive. That's all I need love to be. I want to be a witness to your life for as long as I can, which is a selfish desire, and I'm allowed that. :) You're allowing me to be there. I hope I can have at least a fraction of that kind of impact on you. Otherwise it's hardly worth having me around. I love you.


Kink in the Hose :P

I realized the other day, somewhat sadly, that I don't do anythig kinky anymore. I haven't  tried. But over the past year, I've been finding myself wanting it again, more and more. Why haven't I tried anything? I absolutely trust Sam. I know he likes pleasing me. But last time I remember bringing it up at all, he didn't seem terribly comfortable with it. I think we even talked about cost of "supplies" being an issue. I could try talking to him about it again though, it's been a long time already since it wass brought up. I'm just a bit afraid of him thinking I'm totally weird, or being admonished. For a while I thought it was just the sort of thing older people did to try and spice up a marriage, or to plunge into the depths of after becoming utterly desensitized. I made a few advances into that world a few years ago, but with much trepidation, and I was still trying to get over issues of sexual self-shame. But now, lately whenever I've thought about it, it's so thrilling, titillating and tantalizing. I feel like sometimes I'm only enjoying sex about half as much as I could be. In fact, things like bondage and discipline, submission, domination, and other fetishes are far more normal than I had previously thought. It's time to be less shameful, and more creative. If there comes a point where I really want something and he doesn't, then there are things I can do for myself. But it's definitely more fun with a prtner. <3 p="p">