Tossing and turning

More dream trouble. As much as I know they're only dream, they do nothing to ease my stress. For almost the past two weeks, I've been having intense dreams of loss. That seems to be the recurring theme, anyway. I lost friends, family, mentors, money, trust, security, home, and sanity. Somehow a different one each night. I hope there's nothing to be lost tonight, but each morning I've woken up tense and I don't feel like I slept, at least not well. I have a hunch that my problem lies a little deeper than having a flat pillow to lay on; I just haven't really figured it out.

As you can see, I had a little dilemma. No longer. :)


So, I got impatient and wrote four journal entries on paper.  Trying to decide whether to retype them or not....


Happy for no Reason

Well, goodness me! I sincerely thought no one ever even came across this page as it sat in it's own dark little corner of the internet, but for the first time ever I viewed the statistics on this page and was sort of, well, stunned. I mean, its still nothing to write home about, but I guess I am interesting enough to have been peeked at. Not commented on, though, but that's fine. It is a public page on the internet though, so I should have known that sooner or later someone would see it on passing and not hate it. Ciao!


I feel genuinely excited this summer, and not for reasons you would expect. I joined the gym, and am trying desperately to keep the promise to myself to get into better shape so I can feel healthier. I'm also going to stay well-connected to my family and a few friends, and have a few little adventures out of town. I'm going to spend some quality time with Sam, and remind him how important he is to my life.I'm even going to have lots of time to practice piano skills and my junior recital pieces. But most importantly, I'm going to start crafting again. I know, it sounds like the least important thing, but honestly, I am a lost person when I don't have enough outlets. I forget my skills. I forget to be creative. Worst of all, I lose confidence over time in my ability to take charge of anything. The blog helps, certainly. Even if I don't get it out immediately, I always feel like I can get out all the word vomit I need without using up whole sheafs of paper. Gardening and cooking help, too. But I miss my visual art pursuits. My drawings and paintings. None of them are spectacular, especially by my standards, but I still enjoy most of them and can proudly say that they are creations of my own styling entirely. My "poetry" too. I don't do it to become great at it, though I have improved a bit over time, nor do I expect to make money off of it. But I feel that I truly benefit, even if it is in a more intrinsic, stress-relieving sort of way. I will print off a copy of all my poetry onhe day though, for myself and whoever might want it. I also gathered all of the scrap cloth my Grammy gave me, and I'm pretty sure the purses and bags I make with them will be adorable. :3
I heard this quote from a witch character in the musical Into the Woods. I'm not sure why, but I've been thinking about it a lot lately.
"I'm not good, I'm not nice, I'm just right."