Pressed

My mind is flooded with thoughts at the moment, and I feel I can't speak eloquently about them all right now, but I need to jot them down in some form. Panic is my least favorite emotion, and I feel it all too often. I wasted $45 today on a mediocre show that was filled with political bullshit, which is unfortunate knowing how much effort went into the whole thing by students, but it was cheapened to the point of burlesque, even lower, farce, so that I felt disgusted by the end and embarrassed for everyone else by the end of it. I feel strange today, like I'm on the brink of something, perhaps a xenith, that I have yet to identify. It isn't really positive or negative, just a vortex of nervous energy churning at my insides. I've had strange, vivid, panicked and highly symblic dreams lately. One where I'm living in an old house from my childhood, with myboyfriend and my little brothers, and one of them fakes losing his arm in a lawn mower, and when I find out he's faking, I start slapping the crap out of him. And another where my boyfriend and I are living in a tree house, and I'm meeting up with some old friends but decide to leave early because some old exes keep trying to come on to me. Then when I get home, I see my bf sweating in his sleep because he's nervous about said thing happening, and I relieve him by waking him and being there. The last dream had to do with looking like Silent Hill in a way, and being creeped out of my mind the entire time. I will recount the entire thing later.