Yesterday and today have been strange. I guess I'm in moving mode. I'm happy to be getting into another place, something with more room and a nicer setup. But my emotional state has been...off? I don't know. I'm haven't been sad per se, even though I almost broke down earlier. I feel almost disassociated from the people around me. Like I've switched off for the time being. It probably is because of moving, and the semester about to begin again. I need to conserve my energy. Maybe this is a good thing. Or at least for now. It doesn't feel bad, but it doesn't feel particularly good, either. Usually I hold some demeanor in a specific mood. It isn't calm, or serene, or content or happy. But it isn't anguish or sadness or irritation or anything like that either. It's like analog static. It's there, it makes a noise, but it doesn't motivate me to do anything. Maybe I'm just stabilizing. One can only hope.
It seems I think differently when I write on here than in my regular journal. And I write differently in my journal than I do on loose-leaf paper. It's a slightly different me who is writing. Is it because there is a potential audience? Or does it have more to do with the medium? Handwritten versus not, the ability to edit instantly versus using a pen and trying to follow a track that morphs as you write. Could be a melange of things.