"What do you want out of life?"

"...my own?"

Five years ago, if you told me I would give up my interests for those of someone else, I would never have believed you.

Today has been in an altered state. Or just me. But its more poetic to think about it the other way. One moment I'm fine, perfectly content, and the next my mind is roaring.

 It began to suddenly feel like spring on Thursday, regardless of the fact that the vernal equinox doesn't happen for another month.

I've been appreciating the time I get by myself lately, but today the silence has been deafening. I try to fill the stillness with music, with tv, games, activity, homework. If I can no longer focus on homework then I attempt to dive into another activity that takes my attention, whether its unpacking, drawing, writing or reading. I should be practicing but I don't think that's happening today. I think I'd just start crying.

I really crave peace in the outdoor world right now. But when I finally give in and go outside, I don't know where to go. I still want privacy, and all the places I could go are quite far.

I've been thinking of libretto ideas. I would take commissions but I need to demonstrate to myself first that its something I can actually do well. I find the idea of Dante's Inferno really appealing. Really, I don't think there is a setting of that which exists in operatic form yet, which is surprising given the different versions of Faust that exist, and Dante is as much of a heavweight in the literary world as Goethe is. However, that would be a huge undertaking as a first project, especially considering the fact that I still haven't read the entire thing. At the risk of going into Sam's literary territory, I would love to try a Lovecraft tale. They're short, they're weird, they're beautiful, and the opera world needs more serious horror/sci-fi material. Of course, there are still the Nabokov tales which fall under similar guidelines. Oh jeez, I bet youth subculture of opera would form if there was a series done of Poe's short stories(if his estate gives the rights, of course). Hmm, better not. Though now I wonder if art song settings exist of his poetry.

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