2/26/12
Resolve
Sometimes I'm not sure of the earth beneath me. Usually I like this trait about myself, but lately it is hard to be at ease. I find myself thinking of my own, and my loved one's mortality. I'm dreadfully curious about the possibilities of a "next life" or "after life", but I'm also horribly scared of the death that comes along with it. Most are. Even if I had a near death experience, science has been learning that the brain simulates these sorts of images/sensations of heavenly environment while going through the process of shutting down, so even then I couldn't be sure. And I've been contemplating about the "spirits" as well. There have been a crap ton of experiments done trying to conclude whether spirits exists, or if we are just experiencing some natural phenomena. Personally, I think spirits are simply natural phenomena. Are "orbs" spirits, or electro-magnetic light reactions? Are EVPs the voices of the dead, or low frequencies that create hallucinatory sounds. Although, I do have to contest the second one. If it is a sound that has been recorded from a frequency lower than our accessible hearing, is it still a hallucination if it is recordable and audible as a humanoid voice saying something very specific?
2/20/12
Perspective
I'm trying to keep my plans this week in perspective. To be honest, I was going to try and enter the Dinsmore Aria Competition, but I'm just not ready. It requires two arias, and I only have one acceptable one; I'm not going to attempt to use a Mozart aria as my second one though. I just don't find it acceptable, not unless I was really, really well developed. I am going to see if there is any room left on the schedule for the David Smalls master class though. Probably not, honestly, but I'll ask Robin anyway. I am for a fact going to the Townsend opera competition though. And the NATS competition. I'm going to find a way to be busy, and perhaps win some money in the process.
I did get to go see a show this weekend. Friday night was my chance to see Symphony X and Iced Earth. I was hoping to see a friend there, but it turned out he couldn't, which is fine, I just feel bad he didn't get to go at all. It was more impressive than I was betting on, but as always I hated the shit out of the mosh pits that kept starting up. That's just me though, which is okay, because I have wonderful friends who don't bat an eye at shoving people the fuck out of the way so I can stay in front. :3 Anyway, it was a great way to relieve some stress. I got out of town, it wasn't just for family commitments, and I got to hear music I like that I can appreciate both for artistic value and headbanging value. My neck is still a little bit sore. :P I feel rejuvenated for this week, which I think mentally is going to be hectic.
I keep thinking about things that I want/should/need to do, and where I can fit them in my schedule. I think the problem is prioritizing and remembering when to do things. I could make a calendar, but that would take me a long time, not to mention the problem of sticking to it. At least I did a better job this weekend than most of sticking to tasks.
After all this word-vomit, I should probably get to bed. It's rather late already.
I did get to go see a show this weekend. Friday night was my chance to see Symphony X and Iced Earth. I was hoping to see a friend there, but it turned out he couldn't, which is fine, I just feel bad he didn't get to go at all. It was more impressive than I was betting on, but as always I hated the shit out of the mosh pits that kept starting up. That's just me though, which is okay, because I have wonderful friends who don't bat an eye at shoving people the fuck out of the way so I can stay in front. :3 Anyway, it was a great way to relieve some stress. I got out of town, it wasn't just for family commitments, and I got to hear music I like that I can appreciate both for artistic value and headbanging value. My neck is still a little bit sore. :P I feel rejuvenated for this week, which I think mentally is going to be hectic.
I keep thinking about things that I want/should/need to do, and where I can fit them in my schedule. I think the problem is prioritizing and remembering when to do things. I could make a calendar, but that would take me a long time, not to mention the problem of sticking to it. At least I did a better job this weekend than most of sticking to tasks.
After all this word-vomit, I should probably get to bed. It's rather late already.
2/2/12
I'mma eatem all. :P
You know, as helpful as my subconscious brain tries to be, I wish I had a better way to remember to keep in touch with family besides threatening me with dreams of them dying, and me feeling guilty for not being there. On another note, I don't think I've ever been so happy to have my period. Yes you can be grossed out and leave my page now if you want(if you were ever here at all and not some delusion of mine). But let's face it, anytime I'm not pregnant is a good day to me. Although I do wonder if my cycle isn't just fluctuating. I have been careful folks, but you just never really know.
Another fun thing happened today. Had a few evangelical crazies of the younger variety making a scene on campus today. I didn't mind their freedom of expression; they looked like students who went here, and all the houses had their stuff out in the quad and were soliciting as well. I appreciate all forms of expression, even hatred. It's honest, anyway. Except that other students were starting to gather and shout at the crazies, who were in turn shouting about hell and judgement day, and they were blocking the entire walkway of where I was going, which is 25 feet wide and I should have had clearance somewhere to walk through to my destination. The crazies couldn't have been there very long, either. I was in the student store for maybe five minutes, and when I came back, the student group probably tripled in size and was blocking everything, so I made the decision to go through the only opening, through the middle of the group and between the arguing parties. 1. I only had 20 minutes of break, so it really was the only way, 2. Even though I didn't mind them being there, I didn't like how much ruckus the preachers were making, so what better way to make a statement than to walk through and ignore everybody? I don't give a damn, and I won't feed the fire.
Another fun thing happened today. Had a few evangelical crazies of the younger variety making a scene on campus today. I didn't mind their freedom of expression; they looked like students who went here, and all the houses had their stuff out in the quad and were soliciting as well. I appreciate all forms of expression, even hatred. It's honest, anyway. Except that other students were starting to gather and shout at the crazies, who were in turn shouting about hell and judgement day, and they were blocking the entire walkway of where I was going, which is 25 feet wide and I should have had clearance somewhere to walk through to my destination. The crazies couldn't have been there very long, either. I was in the student store for maybe five minutes, and when I came back, the student group probably tripled in size and was blocking everything, so I made the decision to go through the only opening, through the middle of the group and between the arguing parties. 1. I only had 20 minutes of break, so it really was the only way, 2. Even though I didn't mind them being there, I didn't like how much ruckus the preachers were making, so what better way to make a statement than to walk through and ignore everybody? I don't give a damn, and I won't feed the fire.
1/29/12
Pressed
My mind is flooded with thoughts at the moment, and I feel I can't speak eloquently about them all right now, but I need to jot them down in some form. Panic is my least favorite emotion, and I feel it all too often. I wasted $45 today on a mediocre show that was filled with political bullshit, which is unfortunate knowing how much effort went into the whole thing by students, but it was cheapened to the point of burlesque, even lower, farce, so that I felt disgusted by the end and embarrassed for everyone else by the end of it. I feel strange today, like I'm on the brink of something, perhaps a xenith, that I have yet to identify. It isn't really positive or negative, just a vortex of nervous energy churning at my insides. I've had strange, vivid, panicked and highly symblic dreams lately. One where I'm living in an old house from my childhood, with myboyfriend and my little brothers, and one of them fakes losing his arm in a lawn mower, and when I find out he's faking, I start slapping the crap out of him. And another where my boyfriend and I are living in a tree house, and I'm meeting up with some old friends but decide to leave early because some old exes keep trying to come on to me. Then when I get home, I see my bf sweating in his sleep because he's nervous about said thing happening, and I relieve him by waking him and being there. The last dream had to do with looking like Silent Hill in a way, and being creeped out of my mind the entire time. I will recount the entire thing later.
1/22/12
Another realm
I sometimes wish I had access to the world of my dreams. I see a world inside when I sleep, though it is still rare when I come upon a dream that I wish I could return to. Instead I can only remember intrinsic details, and peer at them; as impressionist paintings. I wish I could go back to that house, with the several different rooms with the one garden-themed room that I can never find, and the caves, and that beach house, among others. I haven't remembered many of my dreams lately, and I definitely haven't been writing them down. And I don't know why my dreams have diminished in clarity so much, but I hate it.
Memories are a problem too. I often encounter sights, smells, or just auras of suggestion that bring me feelings of melancholy, of desire, or desperation, like they should trigger some related memory, but they don't, or at least, not ones that I remember. And then there are the pictures in my mind, those of which I will never be sure are really memories or dreams. A couple of them seem too bizarre to be real, but too clear to be a dream, but really I was too young to remember clearly anyway.
Memories are a problem too. I often encounter sights, smells, or just auras of suggestion that bring me feelings of melancholy, of desire, or desperation, like they should trigger some related memory, but they don't, or at least, not ones that I remember. And then there are the pictures in my mind, those of which I will never be sure are really memories or dreams. A couple of them seem too bizarre to be real, but too clear to be a dream, but really I was too young to remember clearly anyway.
1/18/12
A Gossamer Heart
This world has been shifted
to include yet another,
This one introduced
makes yet one more tether.
one lone observer
who seeks to develop
finds a gossamer heart
they desire to envelop.
Both hearts a-clamor
create their own world
where each gossamer heart
may freely unfurl.
to include yet another,
This one introduced
makes yet one more tether.
one lone observer
who seeks to develop
finds a gossamer heart
they desire to envelop.
Both hearts a-clamor
create their own world
where each gossamer heart
may freely unfurl.
1/15/12
Affected
Even if we were to be separated today,
I could not say that my life would not be
affected by your presence.
I could no longer think of winter and the sea,
or of music in its entirety
without connecting you to it.
I would still remember
how your presence calmed my senses
and made bad moments tolerable.
I would remember
not saying your name most of the time
because I felt I knew you
without having to re-identify you.
I will always remember
how you loved me in my body
always with affection
and without constant grading of performance.
And of course,
I will remember
how I felt writing about
what I remember,
and wondering about
what you'll remember.
I could not say that my life would not be
affected by your presence.
I could no longer think of winter and the sea,
or of music in its entirety
without connecting you to it.
I would still remember
how your presence calmed my senses
and made bad moments tolerable.
I would remember
not saying your name most of the time
because I felt I knew you
without having to re-identify you.
I will always remember
how you loved me in my body
always with affection
and without constant grading of performance.
And of course,
I will remember
how I felt writing about
what I remember,
and wondering about
what you'll remember.
Alteration
I like this part of it:
I had always dreamed of someone like you in my world
yet never had I thought you would wake up in it
nor I next to you, immersed in yours.
But now I'm not sure if I should try to rewrite the rest of it, or perhaps separate it from the rest? I like the rest of it; it's just that they don't all jive together. But the first stanza I think is the best by itself. Perhaps I should make a little booklet of poetry. Which leads me to another question: should I include some old poetry? He's seen some of it, but it doesn't have to be from the things he's seen. I'll attempt another something now:
writing thinking coming alive
How odd it is
of all my poetry
that has existed
you had somehow
never appeared within.
Thinking back,
you should have been
most inspiring of all.
And yet,
I never once had thought to.
Was I only compelled
by negativity
to write as I did,
somehow not concerning you?
Or was it fear,
you being near
to my heart,
of judgement to my art?
No matter.
Or perhaps,
it is the fact
I had not felt the need to seek you
in writing,
you are there,
a hopeful constant,
in my ever-morphing life.
That I had no need to wonder,but I do.
And so,
for you,
is my pondering
over you.
Another one:
What silly sounds of affections we make,
whether miao, mew, or meer.
Why are we sometimes caught up in these sounds,
present to each others ears?
I had always dreamed of someone like you in my world
yet never had I thought you would wake up in it
nor I next to you, immersed in yours.
But now I'm not sure if I should try to rewrite the rest of it, or perhaps separate it from the rest? I like the rest of it; it's just that they don't all jive together. But the first stanza I think is the best by itself. Perhaps I should make a little booklet of poetry. Which leads me to another question: should I include some old poetry? He's seen some of it, but it doesn't have to be from the things he's seen. I'll attempt another something now:
writing thinking coming alive
How odd it is
of all my poetry
that has existed
you had somehow
never appeared within.
Thinking back,
you should have been
most inspiring of all.
And yet,
I never once had thought to.
Was I only compelled
by negativity
to write as I did,
somehow not concerning you?
Or was it fear,
you being near
to my heart,
of judgement to my art?
No matter.
Or perhaps,
it is the fact
I had not felt the need to seek you
in writing,
you are there,
a hopeful constant,
in my ever-morphing life.
That I had no need to wonder,but I do.
And so,
for you,
is my pondering
over you.
Another one:
What silly sounds of affections we make,
whether miao, mew, or meer.
Why are we sometimes caught up in these sounds,
present to each others ears?
1/12/12
A Valenti-No, an "I Love You" Poem. Screw Valentine's.
This is a first attempt at writing some truthful poetry to my love, which while not being mushy, will still somehow make a pillow out of his heart. :P This may or may not change between this page and the final draft, but you may not see the final draft anyway.
starchildren universe science mind truth perspective world
I had always dreamed of someone like you in my world
yet never had I thought you would wake up in it
nor I next to you, immersed in yours.
We humans tend to
cannibalize sensation,
my hands to feel as yours,
to live vicariously through vibrations,
or pulsations,
or whichever manner through which we connect
with our star-stuff.
Extractions of extractions,
cosmos, gaia, anthropos, anima, eros?
The extent, the order,
of which I may never know.
Yet, anxious I am not.
For what the universe
knows to be uncertain,
This one knows
she holds an interesting person.
I'll save this for now.
starchildren universe science mind truth perspective world
I had always dreamed of someone like you in my world
yet never had I thought you would wake up in it
nor I next to you, immersed in yours.
We humans tend to
cannibalize sensation,
my hands to feel as yours,
to live vicariously through vibrations,
or pulsations,
or whichever manner through which we connect
with our star-stuff.
Extractions of extractions,
cosmos, gaia, anthropos, anima, eros?
The extent, the order,
of which I may never know.
Yet, anxious I am not.
For what the universe
knows to be uncertain,
This one knows
she holds an interesting person.
I'll save this for now.
1/9/12
Moon
I saw the moon tonight, while driving back from picking up some dinner. I knew it was supposed to rise at about 6 tonight, but when I came over the hill to come face to face with her, I practically cried at her brushed golden radiance. Even now I see her as she watches me write; she creeps through a thin gauze of clouds, spreading her refections into spectacular displays deep azure and golden metals, a blue tiger's eye. I never know what to make of these moments emotionally. It always seems surreal, and I'm never sure if something is trying to reach me, or if I am reaching for it. Happy moongazing.
Depression
I have a feeling that I've been battling a little bout of depression lately. I have before, but I've never been terribly busy and around another person 24/7 while one came about before, and I've found out in came out in different ways this time. I almost didn't realize that I had been until I started coming out of it. I had gotten new reprtoire from my teacher to learn over the break, not only to get ahead for next semester, but also to judge how self-motivated I coukd be. Didn't work very well, I have one piece half-learned, and that has less to do with my practiced skills and more with my tonal memory. :/
Now though, I've noticed I suddenly want to take dogs on walks, am planning things fiscally for next semester, and am attempting to pull myself back towards the piano. I'm also trying to see if corrective dentistry can be afforded this semester. With having 22 units this semester, it probably isn't wise to attempt having a job, but I may try anyway. I have no money otherwise.
Now though, I've noticed I suddenly want to take dogs on walks, am planning things fiscally for next semester, and am attempting to pull myself back towards the piano. I'm also trying to see if corrective dentistry can be afforded this semester. With having 22 units this semester, it probably isn't wise to attempt having a job, but I may try anyway. I have no money otherwise.
12/27/11
Knowing I
We may lay claim
to another's aim
But how could we?
Knowing I
of only land and sky
can only comprehend what I've seen.
We can guess, I guess,
and understand, digest,
but I'll not waste time
on another's schemes.
Of space,
Knowing I
am but a trace
in the universe.
Yet human race
has never stopped,
their progress and mirth.
Knowing I
could send any theme
through writing,
have found not
of which I've been scribing.
to another's aim
But how could we?
Knowing I
of only land and sky
can only comprehend what I've seen.
We can guess, I guess,
and understand, digest,
but I'll not waste time
on another's schemes.
Of space,
Knowing I
am but a trace
in the universe.
Yet human race
has never stopped,
their progress and mirth.
Knowing I
could send any theme
through writing,
have found not
of which I've been scribing.
12/26/11
my babies
I miss my kitties, and I really hope they are okay. I only gave them food for the first few days, and I can't remember if I ever put away that chocolate or not. I feel miserable right now. I can't wait to go home.
12/21/11
Hogmanay! <-- I like this word
Let's see what I can come up with...
Precious diamond sun,
distant and coldest,
looking for moonbright,
to give calm and solace.
Hoping again for rapture in gold,
rejoice yet anew in sylvan light.
Keep we now the bright around us,
searching now for warmest and safest,
Doing as ancestors had won before,
Live or live not in densest forest.
Precious diamond sun,
distant and coldest,
looking for moonbright,
to give calm and solace.
Hoping again for rapture in gold,
rejoice yet anew in sylvan light.
Keep we now the bright around us,
searching now for warmest and safest,
Doing as ancestors had won before,
Live or live not in densest forest.
12/13/11
Busy, busy
I've been very preoccupied with studying the last few weeks, along with trying to budget out how broke I'm going to be for the next month or so. In the meantime though, I've put up a fabulous little tree for Yule, with PURPLE lights, red ornaments, and silver icicles. Gawgeus. :P I sort of wish it was real, but at the same time I'm glad I don't have to worry about it shedding or dying while we're away.
I've been getting kind of pissy lately. It's not towards anyone in particular, I'll just get into bad moody-moods that leave me generally annoyed by everything. I'm nowhere close to my period, and it doesn't feel emotional enough to be PMS anyway(what rare cases I've experienced). Maybe it's just the finals sinking in. I do know I get really anxious when I know I need to do something, because if I don't do it right then, I fear I'll forget to do it later. It's because I'm bad at planning, I think. I'm starting to use more little things to help my organizational skills, but really, I still get scared.
I hope I get a chance to get to the coast this winter; that would be fabulous.
I've been getting kind of pissy lately. It's not towards anyone in particular, I'll just get into bad moody-moods that leave me generally annoyed by everything. I'm nowhere close to my period, and it doesn't feel emotional enough to be PMS anyway(what rare cases I've experienced). Maybe it's just the finals sinking in. I do know I get really anxious when I know I need to do something, because if I don't do it right then, I fear I'll forget to do it later. It's because I'm bad at planning, I think. I'm starting to use more little things to help my organizational skills, but really, I still get scared.
I hope I get a chance to get to the coast this winter; that would be fabulous.
12/7/11
You Two Are My Eagles in Drag
That was a pretty fantastic movie.
Today: Crepe with bananas and Nutella, turkey and wild rice soup, french fries, and a few orange cream sticks.
That's it so far.
Yeah, I slacked again, but I am working on crap for finals(or at least trying to look like I am). I've been filling out Christmas cards for family and teachers, and a few friends. I also got a new Android tablet(I can't remember what they're called) by chance, had three choir concerts in one weekend, and I am trying to find all ten or more of the concert programs I've attended over the course of the semester for a giant packet that I have to turn in soon. I'll be making piroshki tonight for tomorrow's Russian class to imbibe, as well as practicing piano, voice, and Russian. Oops, I also really need to wash towels if I hope to have a shower tomorrow. I'll also be enduring lots of chaos for a friend's wedding this weekend; we're helping her out of kindness, but it seems to be a lot more trouble than originally anticipated. That's not necessarily her fault, but I wish one of the people we are supposed to be transporting would have told me of their plans sooner. What can you do? I'm also singing for her wedding(a last minute call of desperation), but I'm absolutely okay with that. Even if I'm not getting paid, it could still provide future employment prospects if I do well.
Today: Crepe with bananas and Nutella, turkey and wild rice soup, french fries, and a few orange cream sticks.
That's it so far.
Yeah, I slacked again, but I am working on crap for finals(or at least trying to look like I am). I've been filling out Christmas cards for family and teachers, and a few friends. I also got a new Android tablet(I can't remember what they're called) by chance, had three choir concerts in one weekend, and I am trying to find all ten or more of the concert programs I've attended over the course of the semester for a giant packet that I have to turn in soon. I'll be making piroshki tonight for tomorrow's Russian class to imbibe, as well as practicing piano, voice, and Russian. Oops, I also really need to wash towels if I hope to have a shower tomorrow. I'll also be enduring lots of chaos for a friend's wedding this weekend; we're helping her out of kindness, but it seems to be a lot more trouble than originally anticipated. That's not necessarily her fault, but I wish one of the people we are supposed to be transporting would have told me of their plans sooner. What can you do? I'm also singing for her wedding(a last minute call of desperation), but I'm absolutely okay with that. Even if I'm not getting paid, it could still provide future employment prospects if I do well.
12/1/11
Slacker!!
Ack!! I caught myself slacking on this again! I will break myself and make sure that I do at least one thing habitually. And I mean the blog posts, not just the part where I write down my dietary embarrassments. :P
Today: Regular coffee, almond croissant, an Indian dish with curried peas, cheese, and rice, a samosa, some salad with balsamic vinaigrette(spinach, cucumber, bell pepper, avocado, cranberries, olives, and walnuts), more coffee, and I may have some cashew crackers with strawberry cream cheese. :3 I've been a good girl today.
Things I didn't do today: my homework, go to World Music, get my boots fixed, get my hair trimmed, get birthday cards for my stepdad and littlest brother.
Things I did do today: Register for classes, and in the process clear up a glaring clerical order that would have kept me from being able to get into the classes I needed, took in a resume and got an interview at a sandwich shop, took in recycle and am never collecting it again because it wasn't worth the $18 to store a thousand cans in my apartment for several months, did mediocre on my Russian vocab test, and paid rent(almost late).
I'm really, really happy because I found a cheap used copy of both Fantasia and Fantasia 2000 in pristine condition, and I'm watching it with the same excitement I did as a kid. :D I bought myself another couple of little gifts; A Portrait of Dorian Grey and Lolita. I started on Lolita first, and it is proving to be quite intense.
I found out I won't be able to continue with Russian next semester due to large schedule conflicts, which is a shame, but I may try to finish it later if I get the chance. For now though, I'll be beginning French, which I am okay with, considering I never finished studying it from junior high.
That's all for now; I've been considering making some bread with the unbleached flour I got. I just haven't decided whether it's going to be banana or pumpkin...or perhaps both, in time. Whichever I choose, I'll make it with molasses in place of sugar, it's a little kinder on the belly. Also, despite my depression over Russian class, I'm going to try out a recipe for piroshki for the class. Man, that sounds good. :P
Today: Regular coffee, almond croissant, an Indian dish with curried peas, cheese, and rice, a samosa, some salad with balsamic vinaigrette(spinach, cucumber, bell pepper, avocado, cranberries, olives, and walnuts), more coffee, and I may have some cashew crackers with strawberry cream cheese. :3 I've been a good girl today.
Things I didn't do today: my homework, go to World Music, get my boots fixed, get my hair trimmed, get birthday cards for my stepdad and littlest brother.
Things I did do today: Register for classes, and in the process clear up a glaring clerical order that would have kept me from being able to get into the classes I needed, took in a resume and got an interview at a sandwich shop, took in recycle and am never collecting it again because it wasn't worth the $18 to store a thousand cans in my apartment for several months, did mediocre on my Russian vocab test, and paid rent(almost late).
I'm really, really happy because I found a cheap used copy of both Fantasia and Fantasia 2000 in pristine condition, and I'm watching it with the same excitement I did as a kid. :D I bought myself another couple of little gifts; A Portrait of Dorian Grey and Lolita. I started on Lolita first, and it is proving to be quite intense.
I found out I won't be able to continue with Russian next semester due to large schedule conflicts, which is a shame, but I may try to finish it later if I get the chance. For now though, I'll be beginning French, which I am okay with, considering I never finished studying it from junior high.
That's all for now; I've been considering making some bread with the unbleached flour I got. I just haven't decided whether it's going to be banana or pumpkin...or perhaps both, in time. Whichever I choose, I'll make it with molasses in place of sugar, it's a little kinder on the belly. Also, despite my depression over Russian class, I'm going to try out a recipe for piroshki for the class. Man, that sounds good. :P
11/28/11
Juries
I guess I slacked off a little the last few days. I think I'm just determined to leave nothing behind that will remind me of Thanksgiving food, although we didn't quite escape without Sam's parents handing us some turkey as we went out the door.
Today: Garlic trisuits with cream cheese, 4 cups of Women's Moon Cycle Tea(yerp), a Belgian waffle with strawberries, bananas, and Nutella, Chicken noodle soup(Saigon!), an eye opener, a sugar free Monster, and two slices of pizza(cheese, chicken, garlic, black olive, artichoke heart, white sauce). A better day than most.
I feel so unprepared for juries, or rather, junior qualifiers. I feel unprepared for everything. I'm pretty sure that even though my Russian teacher is unbearably good-hearted and does everything to try and help me, I've probably made him think that music majors are lazy and flaky. That's not the case, though. It's just me. :P I'll keep this short, because I should really be doing other things right now.
Today: Garlic trisuits with cream cheese, 4 cups of Women's Moon Cycle Tea(yerp), a Belgian waffle with strawberries, bananas, and Nutella, Chicken noodle soup(Saigon!), an eye opener, a sugar free Monster, and two slices of pizza(cheese, chicken, garlic, black olive, artichoke heart, white sauce). A better day than most.
I feel so unprepared for juries, or rather, junior qualifiers. I feel unprepared for everything. I'm pretty sure that even though my Russian teacher is unbearably good-hearted and does everything to try and help me, I've probably made him think that music majors are lazy and flaky. That's not the case, though. It's just me. :P I'll keep this short, because I should really be doing other things right now.
11/26/11
Merp. :/
I'm really bored right now. Usually I have no problem with Sam playing Madden, but I keep being told it's not going to take very long, while at the same time I've not gotten to spend any time with my friends up here yet, and I'm waiting for him to finish so we can go visit someone up in Redding, but I haven't even really told this person because I don't know if we'll even have time to visit or not before we come back down here to visit with another one of his friends who he already made appointment with. I'd pull out my books to study, but I feel like the moment I started he'd say it's time to go. I'm almost tempted to try it just to see if it works.
I feel locked up lately. As if I'm lacking energy, but I'm not, I just can't seem to gain access to it. I enjoy Sacramento, but I feel like there's no place to get away there without travelling at least an hour away. It's so flat, and there is terrible light pollution where we live. I never thougth I'd say this, but I can't wait until the next weekend that Sam goes up to his parent's and I don't. I need a moment to myself.
I feel locked up lately. As if I'm lacking energy, but I'm not, I just can't seem to gain access to it. I enjoy Sacramento, but I feel like there's no place to get away there without travelling at least an hour away. It's so flat, and there is terrible light pollution where we live. I never thougth I'd say this, but I can't wait until the next weekend that Sam goes up to his parent's and I don't. I need a moment to myself.
11/25/11
After the meal
I'm just...not even going to try and cover what all I ate last night. I wouldn't be able to tell you, considering I went to two Thanksgiving dinners to appease two families. I actually don't think I broke the calorie bank, but I made up for not gorging by having a tiny bit of every food I saw laying about. I can tell you that I had a lot of dark meat. A LOT. It was glorious, and some of the most tender turkey I've ever had. I do think it accounted for a weird-ass dream I had last night, in which I was trying to escape from a portal-esque shadow organization that had surveillance everywhere and experimented on inhabitants. Also, I had a super-bouncy body. Not as in luscious, as in, I ricocheted off of buildings like a super bouncy ball. Weird as fuck.
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